Parenting Coordinators Unpacked: Healing High-Conflict Co-Parenting (with John-Paul Boyd, KC)
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Co-parenting can be tough, especially when disagreements keep piling up. From parenting schedules to extracurricular activities, small conflicts can turn into major stressors—for both parents and children.
That’s where parenting coordination comes in.
Everything You Need to Know About Parenting Coordinators: A Conversation with John-Paul Boyd, KC
In this episode of That Was So Real, I had the privilege of chatting with John-Paul Boyd, KC, a family law expert, mediator, arbitrator, and parenting coordinator, with over 25 years of experience. John-Paul has been a huge part of shaping the parenting coordination process in British Columbia, and he shared his knowledge with us on this incredibly important and helpful tool for parents going through high-conflict separation or divorce.
If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “There has to be a better way to handle these disagreements than landing in a courtroom,” then this is for you
So, let’s dive in!
What is a Parenting Coordinator?
If you’ve never heard of a parenting coordinator (or you’ve heard the term but have no idea what they actually do), you’re not alone!
First, we get into the nitty-gritty of what exactly a parenting coordinator does. In a nutshell, a parenting coordinator is a professional who works directly with parents to resolve disagreements around their children.
John-Paul explained that the concept of parenting coordination started in California in the '90s and was aimed at reducing the load on the court system by giving parents an alternative way to resolve disputes. The idea was simple: instead of clogging up the court system with minor parenting disputes (think: haircut disagreements or tardiness pick-up battles), parents would work with a neutral third-party—a parenting coordinator. The idea is to prevent these issues from landing back in court time and time again, and to guide parents to healthier communication and better decision-making.
In BC, the process was formally introduced around 2007, and it’s been a game-changer for many families ever since, and John-Paul was part of the team that helped bring it to life. The goal? Helping parents resolve disputes faster, communicate better, and, ideally, reduce conflict over time.
Over time, this process evolved. Today, parenting coordination includes elements of both mediation and arbitration—meaning a parenting coordinator will try to help parents reach an agreement, but if that doesn’t work, they have the authority to make a decision.
The History Behind Parenting Coordination in BC
John-Paul shared how parenting coordination made its way into BC, and the role he played in making that happen. In fact, BC became the first province in Canada to adopt the parenting coordination model, which is pretty cool! Back when the Family Law Act was being revamped in BC, there was a major shift in how family law cases were handled, and it was the perfect time to introduce parenting coordination.
The aim was to help parents who are in high-conflict situations resolve issues that most parents would handle on their own—things like school choices, extracurricular activities, or minor disagreements. Parenting coordinators step in when parents just can’t see eye-to-eye, helping them find a resolution, and ultimately teaching them how to handle these issues without the need for legal intervention.
How is this different from Mediation or Arbitration?
Great question! The short answer: it’s a mix of both—but also neither.
Mediation: In mediation, the mediator helps both parents talk through the issues and find a compromise. The key here is that the mediator doesn’t make decisions—they just facilitate a conversation.
Arbitration: This is more like going to court. The arbitrator makes a binding decision that both parties must follow.
Parenting coordination? It blends the two. The coordinator first tries to help parents come to an agreement (like a mediator), but if that fails, they step in and make the call (like an arbitrator). It’s a flexible, efficient way to resolve conflicts without going to court.
The goal is to cut through conflict quickly and efficiently while giving parents ongoing support.
Unlike the court system, which often involves seeing a different judge every time, the beauty of parenting coordination is that you get a consistent person who really understands your family’s dynamics, including the nature of the conflicts and the personalities involved. This consistency makes the process far more effective than having to go back to court for every small dispute.
What kinds of issues can a Parenting Coordinator help with?
If it’s about parenting, a parenting coordinator can probably help. John-Paul explained that parenting coordinators are focused purely on the child and co-parenting arrangements.
Some common disputes include:
✔️ Parenting time schedules and adjustments (“Can our child attend a family funeral during my ex’s weekend?”)
✔️ Disagreements over extracurricular activities (“Baseball or soccer?”)
✔️ Travel concerns (“Can we switch weekends for a trip?”)
✔️ Minor health and education disputes (“Which tutor should we hire?”)
However, there are limits to what a parenting coordinator can do. They cannot:
❌ Change legal decision-making authority between parents
❌ Grant parenting time to someone who isn’t already entitled to it
❌ Make decisions about spousal support, property division, or major financial matters
In short: parenting coordination is all about the kids and resolving day-to-day co-parenting disputes.
How do you actually start the process?
If parenting coordination sounds like a good fit, the first step is ensuring you have a clear, written parenting plan. Parenting coordinators aren’t there to create the plan but to help parents stick to it and resolve conflicts when they arise.
A parenting plan can come from:
A separation agreement
A court order
An arbitration award
Once that’s in place, parents either agree to work with a parenting coordinator or, in some cases, a court may order it.
The parenting coordinator then provides a participation agreement, which outlines:
📌 The coordinator’s role and authority
📌 The types of disputes they can resolve
📌 The costs and payment terms
Both parents must sign this agreement, and it’s important that parents seek independent legal advice before signing this agreement so they fully understand what they’re committing to.
Then the process can begin!
Once everything’s in place, if a dispute arises, the coordinator will first try to resolve it informally (through a phone call or email). If that doesn’t work, a formal meeting is scheduled, and if the issue still can’t be resolved, the coordinator can issue a binding decision.
Is Parenting Coordination expensive?
Let’s talk about the elephant in the room—cost. Parenting coordination is a long-term process, so it’s important to understand how the fees work.
John-Paul explained that most parenting coordinators charge by the hour, and they typically require an upfront retainer (often around $5,000). Most parenting coordinators charge by the hour.
In BC, the retainer system is broken down into two parts: the retainer (used to pay fees as they accumulate) and a deposit (held in reserve to cover any outstanding fees if a parent decides to stop paying).
Parents usually split the cost 50/50, but they can also divide it based on income. If one parent is uncooperative or acting in bad faith, the coordinator might allocate fees differently, but this is generally avoided to keep the process as fair as possible.
It’s not cheap, but when you compare it to the time, stress, and financial burden of repeated court battles, it often ends up being the more efficient and cost-effective choice.
Do Parenting Coordinators meet with the children?
Yes, sometimes!
Since parenting coordination is child-focused, a coordinator may speak directly with the child to get their perspective. This is especially useful when parents are hearing two different stories—like when a child tells one parent they love baseball and the other that they love soccer (yes, this happens!).
It’s important to note that if the parenting coordinator does speak to the children, the children’s views will be taken into account, but the coordinator is not required to disclose everything they’re told in these conversations. This ensures that the children feel safe to speak openly.
What if my ex is manipulative? Won’t they just fool the coordinator?
One of the big questions I had for John-Paul was about how parenting coordinators handle situations where one parent might be manipulative or not acting in good faith. We know that high-conflict separations can sometimes involve one party who’s more difficult to work with, whether it’s through emotional manipulation or trying to undermine the process.
This is a real concern for a lot of parents. John-Paul acknowledged that this is one of the hardest challenges for parenting coordinators. He shared that there are situations where one parent will intentionally try to derail the process, whether by making false allegations or by constantly raising irrelevant issues.
Here’s the thing—manipulation happens in court, too. No process is completely immune to it. But parenting coordinators, especially those in BC, are required to have at least 10 years of family law experience.
That means they’ve seen it all. They know how to recognize patterns, cut through the noise, and focus on what’s best for the child—not on who is the better storyteller. Parenting coordinators are skilled at handling these difficult dynamics because they’re trained in both conflict resolution and understanding the complex emotional factors at play. They keep the children’s best interests front and center, which is the most important part.
PC’s are also careful not to let one parent dominate the process or control the direction of the discussions. If a coordinator suspects that one parent is manipulating the situation, they’ll intervene by directly addressing the behavior, and may even escalate the matter if needed. This might involve making binding decisions faster to prevent further manipulation or, in extreme cases, recommending the court become involved if the situation can’t be resolved.
Tips for Finding the Right Parenting Coordinator
If you’re considering parenting coordination, here’s where to start:
✅ Ask your lawyer – They’ll likely have referrals.
✅ Check the BC Parenting Coordinators Roster Society – Many qualified coordinators are listed there.
✅ Google it! – Search "Parenting coordinator [your city]" to see who’s available.
And don’t feel pressured to hire the first person you talk to. Just like choosing a lawyer, it’s a personal decision. This is a long-term relationship, so you want someone who is empathetic, responsive, and clear in their communication. Find someone you connect with—someone who communicates clearly and makes you feel comfortable.
If both parents can’t agree on who to hire, there are ways to work around it, such as providing a list of acceptable professionals for the other parent to choose from.
Final Thoughts: Is Parenting Coordination Right for You?
Parenting coordination isn’t a one-size-fits-all solution. For some families, it’s a lifesaver—reducing conflict, resolving disputes quickly, and improving communication. For others, deep-rooted conflict might mean that more formal legal intervention is needed.
Parenting Coordination offers a structured, efficient way to resolve disputes without the need for court intervention, and it helps parents improve their communication and co-parenting skills. If you’re dealing with high-conflict parenting issues, a parenting coordinator might just be the tool you need to get things back on track
At the end of the day, it’s about finding the right process for your family. Whether it’s parenting coordination, mediation, arbitration, or court, the goal should always be the same: protecting your children from unnecessary conflict.
There you have it!
I hope you are leaving here with much better understanding of what parenting coordination is and how it works!
As always, before you go, I have one very important question for you? Are you ready to hit reset?
If so, tune into the episode for a deeper discussion and don’t forget to hit that subscribe button so you don’t miss out on the upcoming episodes. On the next episode, you will learn how to find a lawyer who is the best fit for you, and how to get the MOST value out of your first meeting.
Let’s build a life that aligns with your true goals and values. Can’t wait to see you next time!
About John-Paul Boyd:
John-Paul Boyd is an accredited family law arbitrator, family law mediator, and parenting coordinator, a member of the bars of Alberta and British Columbia. John-Paul practiced family law in Vancouver for 14 years before taking a position as the executive director of the Canadian Research Institute for Law and the Family in 2013. He returned to private practice, providing services throughout Alberta and British Columbia in 2018 and was appointed Queen’s Counsel, now King’s Counsel, in 2019. John-Paul is a recipient of the Distinguished Service Award presented by the Law Society of Alberta and the CBA Alberta, the CBA’s national Pro Bono Service Award, the UBC Law Alumni Association’s Outstanding Young Alumnus Award, and the CBA British Columbia’s Pro Bono Award. He has been recognized by Best Lawyers in Canada since 2010.
