Should I DIY My Divorce? 5 Ways a Family Lawyer Can Help.
Are you thinking of separating, or you recently separated, and you don’t know what’s next – totally understandable, let’s talk!
Maybe you have heard “you need to get a lawyer” or “stay away from lawyers, it will make things worse”. Perhaps you’re stuck figuring out who’s right and who’s wrong in this scenario because you’re not even really sure how a family lawyer can help.
In this episode, we’ll answer the burning question: "Do I really need a lawyer for divorce?" We’ll explore how knowing your legal options up front can help you on your road to closure by chatting through 5 important ways a family lawyer can help ensure your separation goes smoothly and your legal rights are protected.
I understand that reaching out to a lawyer for help is both a financial and emotional investment – it’s key you understand how this investment will generate a return for your family’s future before making any decisions.
WHY AM I HERE?
I created this podcast so you have a safe space to pause and give yourself a moment to discover what you want for your life going forward. I also want to give actionable tips you can put to use throughout your legal journey, and onwards, in support of those discoveries. I want to encourage you to ask you yourself what is motivating you to make a change and become the best version of you, for you, and the people you care about. You might not land the answer the first, second or even third time around! And that’s okay! You will hear from me in this episode about how even though I was totally motivated to begin writing, recording, and producing this first episode, it took me more than one try to know where to begin. I’ve had many other experiences in my life that have left me out in space, reaching into the darkness for answers. No matter how big or small of a change you are making, we all get wrapped up in where to start. You are not alone!
Introducing the Guilt-Free Pass
In this episode, I introduce my first gift to you which is what I like to call your “guilt-free pass”.
This is your pass, your free ticket, while you listen along to set aside any guilt, disappointment, feelings of overwhelm or any other weight you may be carrying about your current situation—especially if you’re in a relationship that’s no longer serving you.
For this episode and the ones to come, I’ll encourage you to take a moment to breathe, forget about the “what could have been,” and allow yourself that second without all the noise. You have tuned in for a reason, and that’s to find your new start, your reset.
WE HAVE to give ourselves some GRACE. This is something I’ve learned from meeting so many people in your shoes, and from going through tough times myself: we love to get into a cycle of blame — whether we’re blaming ourselves or someone else. But here’s the truth: relationships are hard. They’re complicated, and sometimes, they just don’t work out.
Our realities are truly our own—shaped by our experiences, values, cultures, and beliefs— they don’t, and couldn’t possibly, align with every other person out there. Sometimes we experience something apart from our relationships that ignites a change within us, leaving our realities out of alignment with the same partner we once walked alongside. When that happens, our realities clash and collide. But the key is - you have to acknowledge your reality, your efforts, recognize your mistakes and do your best to learn from them, while also showing appreciation and understanding for how other people choose to show up.
Most of all – you have to be brave and move on when how someone is showing up is no longer right for you. It’s all part of the process.
But as you know, it’s not that easy!! What an incredibly daunting task! These are skills we are all trying to learn.
Just like you, I’ve spent years practicing these skills—balancing my own reality with those around me, navigating the ups and downs of relationships. But here’s the kicker: practice doesn’t make perfect. How could it? Relationships can be messy. So, let’s give ourselves this grace here today and throughout the journey.
Filling the Gap
In this episode, we will briefly touch on the gap in the family law world that this podcast fills. Legal resources can be a little outdated, impersonal, and hard to navigate. I’m changing that. With this podcast, I’m offering a personalized, easy-to-access toolkit to support you as you navigate life after separation.
As a practicing family lawyer, I meet with people just like you who are relying on me to help figure out their separation. Separation or divorce is on the list of the top most stressful life events. This means throughout the process, I become one of the most “in the know” people your life if you are my client. I do not take your willingness to be open and vulnerable for granted! As the lawyer, I have an important role to play in supporting your wellbeing along the way. But I also know my limitations.
A legal dispute does not just need lawyers – we need a team of supporting professionals like financial advisors, counselors etc to get through this process.
These supports are pivotal for all persons going through the process – but how do you, as the client, find these resources to help you along the way and make sure you can continue to access them in your life after law. You’re in the right place to find out!
Consider the gap well and truly filled. We are going to abandon the referral lists that are not tailored to your individual needs as a client and build a library of resources and professionals you can reach out to you that address your specific circumstances.
You can click through the episodes and save yourself the time of calling around for different resources and meeting with different professionals (e.g. counsellors, mediators, financial advisors) before you really know what you need. I’ll do that for you!
I am thrilled to become your legal and lifestyle translator in this way – helping you build your resource toolkit. Because just as each and every person in this world is unique, so is your family, and it should be easier for you to find the tools YOU need to bravely make your way through your separation and boldly set up your future.
5 Ways a Family Lawyer Can Help
So, that’s why I’m here and you know how tuning in will help you on your journey. Let’s get to answering the first question of the series: 5 ways a family lawyer can help with your separation or divorce.
1. Clear Legal Advice on Your Rights
A family lawyer explains your rights and options clearly, helping you understand the next steps for your separation or divorce. No guesswork! From understanding the basics to getting an agreement that keeps you out of court
This is truly my favourite part – believe it or not, a family lawyer can help you avoid court and keep costs down.
Depending on who you are, you might have a house, some investments, a pension, and so on. You may also have children. Well, lawyers can help you negotiate all things kids and property and write all your agreements down into one document. This document will protect your family going forward (without court!).
If you and your ex have a harder time negotiating and agreeing, even with help, then a lawyer can jump in and assist with other out of court options, like mediation, to try and get things done before even stepping foot in a courtroom on your behalf.
2. Fair Property Division
Dividing assets? It's not as simple as it seems! A lawyer ensures a fair division of your property, like your home, savings, or investments.
In BC, property division can be complex. A family lawyer can help you understand what you are entitled to. My suggestion is to have even just one meeting with a lawyer to gain a greater understanding of what you are entitled to before you give to much away to your ex.
At this stage in the game, you are likely pretty overwhelmed with everything going on in your life. This means you might inadvertently miss some important things, for example, contributions to pensions, money you brought into the relationship, and so on.
DON’T PANIC. This is not to scare you – emotions are high – remember that guilt free pass. It is expected that you are not going to show up to this process the fully confident, smart, wonderful person that you are, ready and willing to look into all this info. Taking a shortcut and going straight to the source is definitely a sign of strength, rather than weakness.
3. Parenting Time and Decision Making
I know that your children are your number one priority.
Unfortunately, if you have been experiencing a less than optimal relationship with your ex as far as your kids are concerned, you can kind of guarantee that this will not change once you are living apart. Hang on, let me reframe this for you.
You now have the OPPORTUNITY to have the sharing of these responsibilities well and truly nailed down and formally written out. Co-parenting made easier!
A family lawyer helps create a solid plan that works for your kids and your family. The focus is always on what’s best for the kids (not your ex). No more excuses!
I draft parenting agreements which spell out who gets to see the children on Christmas, Halloween, birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s day, or any other holiday that your individual family values. I always include things like who keeps the valuable documents (e.g. passports and birth certificates), among other things that you probably won’t have thought about at the early stages.
You also need it to be very clear how you and your ex will share all the major rights and responsibilities to make decisions that are best for your children. You want to have a process to decide things like which schools they will go to, which medical professionals they will see, what activities they will be involved in.
It is pivotal to discuss aspects of your separation that involve your kids ASAP, with help if needed, so that you can provide the best life for your family going forward.
4. Child and Spousal Support
Support matters! A lawyer can help you understand the nuanced ways to determine child support, spousal support, and any other expenses for your children.
Whether it’s for your kids or a partner, your lawyer makes sure the right support is calculated fairly, so everyone’s needs are met.
You can google child support calculators in BC and there are some decent resources for coming up with numbers. However, this is not the end of it! There are many other elements to consider when it comes to calculating child support. In this episode, we will cover some of these other elements and I will explain why the online calculators are not the final picture.
If spousal support is something you are worried about, the same rules apply. You can look up “am I entitled to spousal support” and get some pretty good starter info. Why not! But again, if you want to get a good picture of what the heck is going on here, a lawyer can guide you through the process of determining whether you’re eligible or obligated to pay. They’ll explain how the amount and duration are calculated and help ensure that your rights are protected.
5. Representation when it gets tough
So, you have tried all the other options to get to an agreement. You tried to talk to your ex and come to an agreement. Maybe you even met with a lawyer once or twice for some general advice, but your ex just doesn’t want to hear it. Perhaps you even went to a mediation (with, or without, a lawyer) and you still didn’t walk out with your agreement written down and signed.
If all else fails, you can consult with or hire a lawyer to help you with the tricky court system. Your lawyer can handle negotiations or represent you in court, protecting your interests every step of the way
Final Thoughts
Alright, folks, let’s wrap this up for today.
Thank you so much for stopping by and taking a read through this summary of this first episode of That Was So Real. I hope you are feeling confident about whether or no to reach out to a lawyer at this stage of your journey. We have demystified why it can be important to get some initial advice even if you do decide to DIY your divorce or separation.
But before you go, I have one very important question for you? Are you ready to hit reset?
If so, tune into the episode for a deeper discussion and don’t forget to hit that subscribe button so you don’t miss out on the upcoming episodes. On the next episode, you will learn how to find a lawyer who is the best fit for you, and how to get the MOST value out of your first meeting.
Let’s build a life that aligns with your true goals and values. Can’t wait to see you next time!
